does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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