My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
