it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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