Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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