youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
