I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
