I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
