And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
