I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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