how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
