wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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