I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
