she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My vagina just recognized that song.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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