Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
