rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
