I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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