you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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