The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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