you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
