just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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