And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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