Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
