If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
