do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
