there was a trapeze. enough said
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
