and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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