if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
