Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
