Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
