i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
