Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize