once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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