lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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