I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Couch. On fire.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
