You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He has the fingertips of a God
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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