dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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