he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
