it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
