WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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