roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
