bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
