guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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