Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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