I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
