OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize