if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
