there was a trapeze. enough said
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
