I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
