All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
