Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
