So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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