i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
