Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
