i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
