Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
