I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
