Only a mothe r could love this liver
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
