Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
