So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
