I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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