My entire life is one complicated drinking game
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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