Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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